Kampala contestant weighs in

How to pass time when stuck in Kampala through a series of competitions:

a) Grab the first reasonable mzungu you meet.
b) Buy him/her at least two liters of Nile Special.
c) Propose one of the following feats of strength, sleaze, stupidity and/or insanity:

1. Challenge your new best friend to a tap water drinking competition. No bottles, no boiling. You'll know your friend is cheating if the water in their glass is clear. The first person to quit due to illness loses.

2. Go to Al's Bar and/or Capitol Pub. The competitor to walk out the door with the most ladies of the night wins. Getting rufied is an automatic default.

3. Go to the far east end of the Old Taxi Park. First to the far west end by touching only the tops of taxi vans is the winner. Bonus points for the contestant who buys an MTN airtime card from the roof of a taxi van and is able to sell it before reaching the other side.

4. Sleep without a mosquito net and without any malaria medication. First to contract malaria loses.

5. Each contestant gets USh 20,000. Go to Owino Market. Each contestant must buy an outfit for the other contestant. Don said outfit. Go to Bubbles on a rugby night and a pick a fight with the largest bloke in the bar. There is no winner here.

6. Pick up a boda boda driver on Kampala Road. First contestant to the Sudanese border with the same boda boda driver they started with, wins. Bonus points for posting pictures of yourself with Janjaweed warriors on Facebook.

7. Back to Owino. Find a witch doctor stand. Pick up various magic paraphernalia and start casting spells on the vendor and take lots of pictures. First contestant to have a voodoo doll made in their honor, wins.

8. Steal a police uniform. Find a roving pickup truck full of police officers and hop in the back. Tell them your showing up for your first day of work and that you want to make a good first impression, and can you please have an AK so you have feel like part of the team. First to end up behind bars, loses.

Happy competing!